apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
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oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
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she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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