I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Can you bring me the toilet please
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
