She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
