She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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