69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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