i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
