I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
