You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
