2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
