the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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