something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
