Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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