dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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