Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
