If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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