Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
