When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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