i used baking grease as lip gloss
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
