did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
