Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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