yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
