I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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