there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
