At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I think i peed on brittanys purse
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
