Will you blow on my dice?
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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