why didn't you poke me back
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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