I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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