It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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