hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
