i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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