I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The convent might be a nice break from real life
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
