So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
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and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
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Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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