You work out of a Hotel?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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