I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
