You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
