My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
