I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
