I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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