yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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