I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
