it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
