i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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