there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
