That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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