i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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