yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
