...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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