Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
