those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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