Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
