Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
How does one acquire holy water?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
