everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
