I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
