Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
