I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
