have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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