My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
