I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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