Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
