New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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