We named our party play list daddy issues
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
