his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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