Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
