Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
