Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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