shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
