Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
porn star boner night. come get it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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