shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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