Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
