Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
