why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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