Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I puked a lego.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
