I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
