So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
