Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
