when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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