Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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