So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
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I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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