HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
