can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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