we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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