I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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