Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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