she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
