I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
