Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
