nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
