The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
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Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
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Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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