I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize