Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You have to summon your inner elephant
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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