I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
