His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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