it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
