There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
