Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
