Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
